Fitting a mold...no more!

It took me a really long time to get to this point...

But I am finally, finally, FINALLY comfortable with the idea of LETTING GO...and being myself.

Not trying to fit any mold or idea of what someone else wants me to be. 

For years now, I have been tied down by fear...completely terrified of not being accepted, of not being loved {or even liked!}, of being abandoned by friends &/or driving them away...so I was always very careful  about how I acted around people I wanted to keep in my life. I spent so much time "tiptoeing" around, constantly recreating myself according to what I thought everyone else would want. I wanted to be the girl who was wanted...the girl that people wanted to stick around for.

Now what do you think came of that?

If you think that all of this resulted in a girl who DID feel wanted, loved, and accepted by the people around her, you would be wrong.

No, I became the girl who constantly second guessed herself...who was afraid to open her mouth and speak...who never truly trusted anyone to stay, because everyone eventually leaves...who didn't even know who she really was.

That girl didn't feel like she was worth anyone's time or love...let alone worth staying for. And it seemed as though these thoughts were just reaffirmed over, & over, & OVER AGAIN...for almost a decade!

And that girl finally broke...because who was she really? Was she capable of being anything at all, to anyone at all? And did she even deserve to be here? 

A couple of weeks ago, I said goodbye to that girl.

She's GONE.

I released all of that.

And you know what??

For two weeks now, I have known what it really feels like to be happy and not have to TRY! For two weeks now, I have allowed myself to let people in, believing that if I was just myself, they would love me for me. And I have come to the realization that there are some wonderful, genuine people in my life...and then there are some who aren't. And that's okay, because I'm not going to change them no matter what I do to try and change MYSELF, and I don't need those people in my life.

Now OF COURSE...I realize that life always comes with challenges. No one can be happy all the time. I know that. I mean, even within these last two weeks, as good as things have been, I've still come across some upsetting things. And there are still many, many things that I need to learn how to deal with. There are no "quick fixes" for the {lots of} years of struggles I went through. I am only saying that now I know that I don't have to have such a firm grasp & perfect control of absolutely everything in my life. I CAN allow myself to be comfortable with the way things happen, and becoming a person who is happy with herself.

Even during the times when I will find it difficult to hold onto this {and there will be times like that}, I know that I will come through those times...with some help and support of course...and I have that :))

Guys...it is so much easier to do it this way. So much easier.

So here we are...I have finally figured out how to be brave.

Funny how it only took about 10 years :))