Yes, it's a Ballet post

So here's the thing...

I really, really, REALLY love ballet!!!

Yeah, I know...none of you have figured that out yet, have you?? ;-)

There was a time when I made dancing my entire life. It was all I wanted to focus on. It was all I wanted.  Up until now, I've always thought that my dreams of being a ballet dancer were completely stripped away from me.  Very recently ((meaning, just within the past couple of weeks)), I have found myself feeling a lot of anger towards no longer being able to dance the way I "was before"...before I had my spine operated on.  

I've missed having the good muscle memory to pick up combinations quickly and remember them. 

I've missed the high extensions and flexibility.

I've missed having the muscle strength to be able to do things like lift my leg straight up and hold it there.

I've missed having the core strength to dance en pointe.

I've missed being able to turn a triple pirouette.

i've missed a lot of things about my sweet passion, ballet.

God placed the desire in my heart to dance from day one.

He hasn't taken that away. My passion is just as strong as it has always been.

And before today, I always just assumed I would never be good again after having such a major surgery.

But I took a look at the list of things that I miss from ballet...and I realized that all of these things are things that I can get back. It would take A LOT of hard work, and absolutely full commitment to the process...

but it can be done :)

This thought makes me so thrilled.

Oh don't get me wrong, I know that I shouldn't get my hopes up so high that I might have a chance at dancing at the level I am aiming for. I am fully aware that it might not happen at all. The limitations in my upper back from surgery may very well be too much.

Don't worry I know all of these things.

But having said that, now I won't be setting myself up for disappointment if I don't accomplish what I'm hoping for. And if I find that I can't do it, I know that I can still dance for fun, and still dance just because I love it!

So, instead of getting discouraged in class...I will look to my teachers for help and encouragement on how to improve.

Instead of giving up when I don't get something right the first time...I will fight for it, learn from my mistakes, and work hard to get it right the next time.

Instead of allowing myself to get lazy on technique just because I don't think I will ever get it back again...I will keep my focus on every technical aspect possible until it becomes total muscle memory again and I do it completely naturally.

Instead of sitting around during my free time like I usually do...I will put on a show or movie and work to tone my muscles && core.

I can't wait to get started!! 

If you really knew me...

I've seen these posts floating around the blogosphere. So I thought it would be nice {{and challenging}} to write one myself here.

If you really knew me...

You'd know that I think mountains are the most beautiful thing in creation.

You'd know that when someone close to me is struggling through a painful situation, my heart breaks in two, and I hurt right along with them.

You'd know that I tend to get really excited about an idea for awhile, but either I'll get frustrated, discouraged, or unmotivated for whatever reason and just give up.

You'd know that I hold my birth mother up among the most selfless people in the world for choosing life.

You'd know that if I didn't keep ballet in my life, I honestly don't know how I would keep my sanity (pretty much literally).

You'd know that I love to love people who truly need to be loved.

You'd know that I thrive off of words of encouragement. 

You'd know that I let judgments from other people affect me waaaayy too much.

You'd know that there are very few people in my life with whom I feel completely comfortable sharing my heart.

You'd know that I love Celtic music more than any other kind!

You'd know that I would choose being a "mommy" over having a career ANY DAY!

You'd know that when I open my Bible trying to find a Word to encourage someone else, I end up having a completely new perspective on something I'd read before, and the encouragement returns to me a hundred fold!

You'd know that I am SUCH a margin writer! And an underliner! And a highlighter!

You'd know that every time I see a sparrow, no matter how bad I am feeling that day, I can't help but smile or even giggle a little. every.single.time.

You'd know that I lay awake at night more often than not worrying about SOMETHING. And nothing helps to stop that.

You'd know that my TRUE friends {{the ones who walk along side me, pray for me, and are willing to drop just about anything to be there for me}} are the ones who hold me up, and without them, I would never be able to get out of bed in the morning.

You'd know that sometimes I don't feel worthy of asking God for anything for myself...

but you'd also know that I NEVER doubt that He is everything good, that He does not want to see His children suffer, and that He will carry me through this darkness.

I've let this sweet little blog sit for way too long now.

From looking at my last entry, I can see that it has been exactly one month since the last time I posted here.

I have to be honest I've really been diminishing myself quite a lot lately. I've been second guessing almost everything that I do, including my own writings in this blog. So much of the time, I don't think I have anything of value to write about. I read all of these other incredible blogs written by amazing girls with beautiful hearts.  These girls understand the power of the written word and how it can be used to inspire others.

I wonder...do I have the gift of words?

Could my blog really inspire or have an impact on someone else?

My thoughts return to a night a couple of weeks ago...I was awake all night long, my heart aching for one of my best friends who was dealing with a very painful situation. I sat in my bed..tears streaming down my face..wondering why in the world I couldn't find any words to help her. Why was my mind drawing such an awful blank? 

Hour after hour went by, and my heart was still hurting. My thoughts were still empty. I was exhausted, but I could not sleep. 

God finally got my attention and He reminded me that MY words were not the important ones. HIS words are. I opened up my Bible then...something I should have done from the very beginning...and God directed my eyes and my mind to find just the right words. I could sense Him speaking His Truth directly to my own heart, and giving me the strength to speak Truth directly to the heart of a dear friend.

So...

Do I have the gift of words? Maybe not all the time. But God does. And His words are the ones that really matter. So next time I feel myself getting discouraged because I think I have nothing worthwhile to say, I am going to remember that night when God pretty much told me to "get over myself" {{ha!}} and focus on what HE may want me to say instead. After all, He certainly does have some pretty great things to show me...and they certainly are worth sharing :))