New Life, New Start...

I'm back from a rather lengthy blogging "hiatus". I realized that I hadn't written here in about 2 months.
There honestly wasn't much to say that I haven't already said in the past.
And I didn't want keep repeating the same "tune" over and over again.

But now...

There is plenty to say. A lot to update on.
Here it goes...

New location!!

At the beginning of January, I packed my life away in Indiana, and I relocated to Miami, FL.

I came here for a job teaching dance classes and music lessons at a sweet little studio owned by a very close friend of mine, Bellinda. I am also living with her family. She has four beautiful children, and I love all of them a bunch!

Up until now, it's been hard.

Falling into a rhythm was hard. Meeting people was hard. Being happy was hard.

I was missing a lot of things and people back home.

I was lonely. Unhappy. I was so sure I had made the wrong choice. I was constantly burdened by toxic thoughts, anxiety, and worry about things back home that I had no control over.

I couldn't picture things getting better either. 

Okay...now keep reading... :))

Retraining my brain:

I've been learning how to think differently. I've started cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

I was so afraid of it before because I was afraid that it wasn't going to work.

Self-talk has never worked for me.

But I've recently been challenged to do something that really, really scares me.

Of course, the move alone was a huge step, but I think no matter where I am, CBT would be an even bigger step for me.

All I really wanted was to start feeling better, but that was frightening to me.

I have always been afraid to be happy because I was too afraid of it not lasting. 

Too afraid that it wouldn't be real...that I would just be fooling myself.

Because that's how I've always felt in the past.

I know better now.

I know that no one is going to be "up" all the time, and that everyone has times in life when they are down...sometimes very, very down. And I know that I will still experience that. But it's what I decide to do with the down periods and how I react to them that is going to make a difference.

So that's what I'm working on now. It's time to conquer the "dark" thoughts that CONSTANTLY flow through my mind, and learn how to be happy.

Ballet training:

I started taking class from an incredible Russian teacher!

It's very challenging, because he has all of his company members in there with us, but it is so good!

I know I'm going to learn a lot from it. 

I know, without a doubt now, that ballet is definitely something I want to continue pursuing.

I was afraid it was never an option, and that I would never be good again after my back surgery in 2006. But it looks like it could happen now! And I'm really happy and excited about it!

I guess doing things that scare me is going to become a theme in my life from here on out!

I can already see how it's helping me grow.

Health progress:

Honestly, I think getting back into the studio was the best thing I could have done!

Since I know, now, how badly I want to dance, that means being proactive to change a lot of things in order to get myself healthy again...to really be able to dance at my best.

I created a chart of all of the foods I enjoy eating that were also healthy. When it's time to eat, I am aware now of what I am eating and how much of it I should eat. 

I've made up a plan for myself that is geared towards a ballet dancer in training.

And I'm not afraid to splurge on sweets during the day anymore either. I just remind myself, "Eating this right now is NOT going to make you gain weight!" And I just limit my intake.

It's amazing to me how I've been needing to "relearn" how to eat since entering my recovery process.

I've also been pretty good at getting to bed at a reasonable hour during the week...well for most part anyway :)) I've had some late nights...for various reasons. But getting good amounts of sleep has definitely been a huge help!

I mentioned above that doing things that scare me is becoming a theme in my life.

but I've realized that I need to start developing another theme as well. And that is...

LEARNING PATIENCE!!! 

I never realized what an impatient person I am. I want everything to happen right away.

I want to change my thinking...now! I want my CBT to keep progressing...faster! I want to get healthy...now! I want my ballet technique and flexibility to come back...now!

But all of these things take WORK and TIME.

Waiting makes me anxious. If something doesn't happen for me immediately, I get discouraged right away, and I give up. It's time to stop that. It's time to change a lot of things. It's time to be healthy. And it's time to be happy.

And I think I can finally be okay with that now.