It WAS a good experience!!

Oh the pageant world.  It definitely is like stepping into another planet.  All of a sudden it was as if I closed the door to the real world behind me and entered a world of glitz and glamor.

I was very surprised at how natural and comfortable everything felt to me in this new foreign world.  I came in nervous, shy, and with a negative attitude and I left feeling beautiful, stronger, and more confident in myself and my abilities.

Later on, I thought about how much pageants are about self-glorification and comparing yourself to those around you.  It's all about who is prettier, thinner, more talented...it is probably one of those most worldly things I can think of.  As a Christian I have always been taught that I should not allow myself to be influenced by worldly things, and likewise I should not spend my time comparing myself to other people, because these things will not satisfy.  Instead I should focus on internal beauty and the things that are important to God and spend my time learning to be like Him and reflect His image.  This is what is truly satisfied.

While I absolutely believe this, I did not find this pageant to be unhealthy for me.  I am glad that I did it, although I did not win anything.  I didn't find it to be a dissatisfying experience at all.

It just makes me wonder...is there anything wrong with feeling beautiful? To want to shine on stage?  The fact is that God gave me my talents.  I think He would want me to use them.

I loved my experience, and I am grateful for it!  I didn't view it in a negative light.  In fact, I would do it again and I hope to!  Having said that, how can someone say to me that this was NOT God's will?  How could they say that I made a choice that was not pleasing to God? (Worst of all, after saying ALL of THAT, how could they tell me that I am not the pageant "type" as those other girls are?  What a contradiction!)  Before this pageant I prayed that I would be a light...that I WOULD reflect the image of God through my actions.  And that day, I know God was with me the whole time.  He took away my nerves when I asked Him to.  He gave me the words to talk about my platform, Adoption as an Option.  So how could you say that I made an "ungodly" choice when I stood up there promoting one of the most God-ordained things in our world?...Adoption!

All of this negativity (especially coming from someone who is SUPPOSED to be encouraging me and building me up) is what would make me hesitant to try something like this again.  But I don't think that God was disappointed with me for this.  I think that no matter what, he views me as His precious and beautiful daughter.  And as I got to display the talent He gave me and speak on a topic that is pleasing to Him, I truly felt like His.