When I was little, my mom used to dress me up in pink, ruffly dresses that would twirl whenever I'd spin around. I loved wearing big bows in my long, curly, golden brown hair. I was obsessed with Disney princesses like Belle, Cinderella, and Pocahontas. I'd play with Barbie dolls for hours, and I especially loved when I could dress them up in long, sparkling gowns!
But the thing I remember most about being a little girl was that I CONSTANTLY wanted to be the center of attention! I was always ready to sing a solo at church, recite Dorthy's lines from "The Wizard of Oz" (getting them completely correct down to the last word!), get my picture taken, or do absolutely anything in front of my mom's video camera!
I look back on all of that and I cannot believe how much I've changed now that I've grown up. Oh, I am still as "girly" as I've ever been, but I've become so much more self conscious. I no longer want my picture taken all the time...unless my makeup and hair is done to MY satisfaction. I hate being recorded and I always tell my mom to take the camera away. I still love to sing and perform in front of an audience but now there's always a question in the back of my mind, "Did I REALLY do well?? Or were they just being polite?"
...and a few months ago if you had asked me if I would do a beauty pageant, my answer would've been a resounding, "NO!"
...and my reasoning...too scary. Maybe I would've started the process, but my nerves would kick in and I would start to get anxious, and my first instinct would be to quit. Well, the nerves have definitely hit...the process of getting ready has been stressful, and the closer it gets, the more anxious I get. But now I am committed to it and there is no going back. I didn't give it up, even though the thought of it scared me to death!
When 2011 began, I promised myself that I would not allow fear to run my life anymore! I was going to follow through with this and I was going to do it! And not just this pageant, but the other scary things that are bound to happen in the future! It doesn't matter that I am afraid, because this is going to be a great opportunity for me to not only gain even more confidence than I have already, but also to be a witness! It's a great chance to display Christ in front of my competitors. I love the idea of someone looking at me and saying, "Something about her is different." and seeing beyond just my physical appearance. I want to walk away knowing that there is a possibility that I have impacted someone around me at this event.
So as scary as being in a pageant seems most of the time, I'm actually excited about it and ready to enjoy every minute of it! I can't wait for the opportunity to not only feel beautiful (and i know i will) but to impact someone's life with my words and to be Jesus to somebody.
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